How to use credit cards without wrecking your marriage

Laurence and I took a marriage preparation course back when we were engaged (the image above is from our honeymoon when we were loved-up enough to be at ease with couple selfies).

One of the activities was to take a quiz to find areas we needed to discuss. When we went through the results with the couple who were mentoring us, every statement regarding finances was highlighted as an area we’d disagreed about or just weren’t settled on.

It’s come as no surprise, then, that money has been a major stress-point for us in these five years of marriage.

We may not have gone away after the course and ironed everything out neatly but we have learned a few things amid the hand-wringing. Credit cards have especially thrown some learning opportunities at us. Here are a few simple but easily forgotten ideas that we try to keep holding on to.

Make a list
Make a list together of everything you’d like to have your credit card available for. We decided from the start that ours would be for emergencies only, partly because I don’t work full-time.

Yet, because we’d not yet defined what that meant, “emergencies” began to encompass things like pub lunches and train tickets for social visits. Uhh, not what we’d planned.

Making lists separately and comparing them helps to really figure out where we both are on this.

Discuss priorities

Of course, what we’re really talking about here is the bigger issue of defining your priorities as a couple. So, maybe a new dress isn’t a priority.

On the other hand, we both have close family who live abroad and, without being macabre, should anything happen to them, we’d likely use a credit card to get out there in a hurry if we needed to.

Think about alternatives
We’ve even got imaginative with this and sought alternatives when things have come up.

For instance, when we were in Trinidad, the friend who was housesitting for us thought that our fridge had given up the will to live. We actually, seriously considered living without a fridge for a while.

Have accountability
This is so helpful for keeping the credit card bill in check. If there’s no sneaking around, surreptitiously bunging something on the credit card then we’re a lot less likely to put crap like gig tickets on there. Rather, we talk to each other before we decide to buy anything with it.

We even, literally, froze it once when we were fighting to get our debt back under control. My brother found it hilarious when he found our credit card in our freezer, locked in a block of ice. I assured him it was “a thing”, thinking he was lucky not to come across a placenta in there, frankly. At least it meant that we had to make a joint decision to melt the block of ice before using it.

Budget together
Of course, credit cards aren’t free money, though they can feel that way at the time. So there needs to be a solid plan in place to repay them.

We’ve found that when just one of us does the budgeting, the other feels like they don’t have enough of a say or enough control of the situation and just ends up feeling resentful.

When we sit down and go through what we’re spending money on, how much we’re both bringing in and how we’re going to manage it all – boring as it is – we’re generally a lot happier with each other.

Five years ago in marriage prep, I’d never have pegged budgeting for a good date.

In Association with Santander


13 Comments

  1. September 24, 2014 / 10:39 am

    I think money is probably the thing Ali and I argue about most – we don’t have credit cards but this is great general money advice that you could apply to lots of things. Really helpful post!
    Vicky recently posted..bright and cheerful kids wall art

  2. September 24, 2014 / 10:39 am

    This is such good advice, I definitely think finances are an area of tension for most couples. There’s certainly elements that me and paul don’t agree on x
    Lori recently posted..MAD BLOG AWARDS & LONDON FUN

  3. September 24, 2014 / 2:11 pm

    I am useless with money – and don’t have the confidence with figures to argue convincingly. Thank goodness my husband works in banking and is super patient and easy to understand. We muddle through and meet in the middle!
    Eleanor (thebristolparent) recently posted..#weprintmemories – a photo competition

  4. September 24, 2014 / 2:16 pm

    Finances can be such a trigger point for stress in a relationship (and just in general really). I love that you froze your credit card though, that’s awesome.
    Purplemum recently posted..Pre School

  5. September 24, 2014 / 2:36 pm

    great points… we don’t have credit cards, but we do make sure that we talk about our finances, and agree on what we’re spending our money on
    Polly recently posted..Cook it: Veggie Chilli and Cornbread

  6. Mo Ade
    September 24, 2014 / 8:38 pm

    Thanks Adele; helpful post and food for thought for me 🙂

  7. September 24, 2014 / 9:43 pm

    Love the tips! We don’t have a credit card – my husband and I are allergic to debt. I guess you could say that we’re lucky we don’t have any debts. But sometimes, I do wish that we had one, like you mentioned in your post, for “emergencies”. Anyway, found it really funny that you guys actually literally froze your credit card! 😉 x

  8. September 28, 2014 / 1:16 pm

    I love that you put your credit card in a block of ice! and I actually did a LOL at the placenta mention haha! Some great tips! x
    Fritha recently posted..The Athenaeum

  9. September 28, 2014 / 11:02 pm

    Wow I didn’t even know they did marriage preparation courses – sounds like a brilliant idea though. I think all your tips are great and people really should make lists together and be on the same page about things from the start

    Laura x
    Laura recently posted..Street Style Sunday – The Holiday Edition

    • October 2, 2014 / 9:50 pm

      A few couples we know had done them so we decided to give it a go. Was seriously one of the hardest things we’ve ever done but very valuable.

  10. September 30, 2014 / 1:06 am

    I also took a marriage preparation course. My first marriage! Seriously, it’s taken me and my husband years to be on the same page with finances but for a long time we don’t really argue and actually enjoy discussions that keep us on the same page. We had the exact situations you talk about a year ago with my Dad seriously ill in hospital & my MIL terminally ill. We made the decision to see as much of them as we could and hit the credit card. It’s been tough paying it back but I’m glad we saw as much as we could of my husband’s Mum before she passed away. On real money I doubt we could have afforded to drive to the funeral and back at the time. A year on we’re still striving to bring the debt down, but we don’t use it, and most importantly we talk all the time. Money can break the best of us.
    Emma Chester recently posted..The Watch Hut inspirations

    • October 2, 2014 / 9:50 pm

      It sounds like a debt that was worth accruing, to be honest. I’m sorry for your family’s loss.

  11. September 30, 2014 / 9:46 am

    i totally trust myself and my partner with money, but i don’t think either of us would ever have credit cards. but i totally agree that you have to basically be strict ..and don’t spend money you don’t/won’t have in a short time! obviously a little ‘extra’ now and then is okay, but too many and it quickly spirals!

    definitely important to talk about finances every now and then, too.
    laura redburn recently posted..p-p-p-pinterest

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