Second time pregnant

Last Thursday afternoon, I shifted the duvet off two-year-old Talitha’s chest. She shuffled a bit then fully woke up, smiling at me. “Did you have a nice nap, baby?” I asked her. “Yes,” she replied then returned, “Nice nap, Mummy?” Actually, though I’d spent a portion of those two hours in bed with her, for most of it I was rushing around packing our bag so we could leave as soon as she awoke.

For the rest of it, I did what I’ve been doing so many nights for the past six weeks, lying in bed, worrying and looking things up on the Internet. I didn’t tell her this, of course. I just nodded and told her we were going to see the midwife. “Do you remember what she’s going to do?” I asked her. She said, “Yes, look after baby in Mummy tummy.”

I’m just over ten weeks pregnant and I’m not sure why I’ve waited so long to mention it here, considering that I found out at four weeks, just as I had with Talitha. It’s made blogging awkward. There have been a lot of paranoid moments where I’ve been torn between being concerned that I’m letting slip a hint and just wanting to come out and celebrate it. We are very excited. This is a longed for baby, due – they say – in late February but I’m being very vague and keeping my eye on March, considering how late Talitha was.

Mostly, it’s not felt real. Perhaps, I’m just too busy with Talitha. Then again, if I wasn’t pregnant, I’d think something was dreadfully wrong. I have never been this exhausted in my life. Suddenly, I’m grateful Talitha takes a 2-3 hour nap in the day, because I desperately need it. Once, I begged her to take it early and wound up locking us into her bedroom and going to sleep while she played with toys and looked at books. I woke up to find her cuddled up, sleeping next to me. I guess she decided sleep was a good idea in the end. Another day, she asked: “Mummy tired?” “Yes, baby, I am.” She then escorted me up to the family bed and instructed me to sleep. I napped for twenty minutes while she spent the time flipping through magazines, sitting beside me on the bed. Miraculous.

Hours-old Talitha

I am so grateful not to have the morning sickness I had with her. I’ve had a fair bit of queasiness but nothing like what I experienced in my first pregnancy. In fact, I’ve only had one episode of nausea where I had to drop everything and thankfully it was on a Saturday so Laurence was around.

Even without morning sickness and exhaustion, my breasts would have given it away. I’d only just started fitting into my pre-pregnancy bras when they started growing again. I’m almost out of them once more. Breastfeeding has also become a bit more challenging. We’ve had to make some adjustments. More on that in a future post.

The other thing is that I have a noticeable bump, belly button flopped out and all. Laurence is a tad worried we’re having twins. Everyone assures me you’re just already stretched out the second time round.

It’s such a mix of emotions this time. I guess I was a bit naΓ―ve before I had my first child. It’s difficult not to be. I couldn’t have known just how my life would change. I knew little about birth, less about breastfeeding, nothing about the million ways having a child carves your identity. My life is so much better for knowing Talitha. Yet, that’s such an inadequate way of phrasing what’s happened here.

This time, I worry and I relax. I worry about having another traumatic medicalised birth. I relax knowing that we got beyond that experience and would get beyond another. I relax having met many other mothers and heard more stories which have bolstered my belief that it could be different. I just need to learn to trust my God, trust my body and not get hung up on anything that presents itself that I cannot change.

I worry about breastfeeding. Was it just a late-snipped tongue-tie? Why did it take three months of pumping and supplementing and more months of taking Domperidone to rebuild my supply? Could there have been more going on? Why did she never learn to latch well? I still have to adjust her even now. I am not convinced that if I got a plugged duct today that she’d clear it any more effectively than hand expressing would. What if it’s that hard again next time, except with a toddler in tow?

Then again, what if it’s easy? At any rate, I know so much more now. I know what to expect. I have a network of peer supporters, breastfeeding counsellors, lactation consultants and informed mothers around me. Yes, it could be difficult again but either way, it certainly would be different.

The fact that these worries play on my mind as heavily as they do makes me think that I haven’t yet awoken to the reality that there is a new life growing inside me, a new person to fall in love with. I look at Talitha and wonder how my heart could expand to love another as much as I love her. And yet I know that this is what mothers do, what I will do. I commit my fears to God and thank Him for entrusting me a second time.

I want to thank you too for continuing to walk with me on this journey, sharing your stories with me and listening to mine.

PS: I called Talitha “the creature” when I carried her. I have no idea what to call this one. Any ideas?


32 Comments

  1. July 29, 2013 / 12:14 pm

    Congratulations! For me, breastfeeding has been so different (and easier) second time round. I was so surprised and could never have imagined having such a different experience. And if you do experience the same problems, you have the benefit of experience so are better equipped to deal with it.
    Chloe recently posted..Potty Training: 10 things I’ve learned

    • Adele Jarrett-Kerr
      July 29, 2013 / 5:39 pm

      That’s encouraging to hear and yes, I have to keep sight of that.

  2. July 29, 2013 / 12:21 pm

    Amazing! Congratulations! So excited for you all xx

  3. July 29, 2013 / 1:52 pm

    Congratulations Adele!
    We wanted to reassure you that we have seen lots of moms who have struggled breastfeeding their first child, go on to breastfeed their next with no difficulties.
    Cindy and Jana recently posted..Blog Post: Creating a Stash of Breast Milk

    • Adele Jarrett-Kerr
      July 29, 2013 / 5:39 pm

      Very encouraging, thank you. x

    • Adele Jarrett-Kerr
      July 29, 2013 / 5:38 pm

      Aw, I really think she will, actually.

  4. @Mamigz
    July 29, 2013 / 4:00 pm

    Very many congratulations. Wishing you a happy & healthy pregnancy xx

  5. July 29, 2013 / 5:14 pm

    OMG!!!! Congratulations :0) How lovely. I look forward to reading all your post about this experience. I called Angelo ‘Peanut’ as I didn’t know the sex of the baby. With my second I wanted to know, and so she ‘Valentina’ as hubby and I had decided on the name pretty early on in the pregnancy. Pretty soon you the ‘pet name’ will come, if you want one rather than using his/’her given name from the start. I think, get all the information you need to put your fears to rest but keep an open mind and know that this time will could be different but in a positive way. Angelo’s labour was 13 hours with gas and air. Valentina was 3 hours with gas and hair in the birthing pool.
    MsXpat recently posted..Sinless Pleasure- a product review of Katy Perry’s Kettle Corn Popchips

    • Adele Jarrett-Kerr
      July 29, 2013 / 5:37 pm

      I forget that short labours are possible. Even your first sounds so brief! πŸ™‚ Thanks and yes, it’s all about the open mind.

  6. July 29, 2013 / 6:12 pm

    Hi honey

    I am so so happy for you. Congratulations. I started following your blog when you were pregnant last time, despite me already having Aaron.

    This time you are ahead of me πŸ™‚

    I read your post with tears in my eyes as I have been broody for about 2 years.

    One by one all of my bloggy friends went on to have a second, and I know my age is against me at 40, but I can’t start tying at the moment with the state of my marriage πŸ™

    I wish I could say I will join you soon, but just when I thought things were getting better – I was even posting Daddy time types of blog posts, things have taken a turn for the worse. The sort of turn that makes me want to move to Ireland and leave him behind.

    I will vicariously enjoy your pregnancy from the wings πŸ™‚

    Liska xx
    Liska @NewMumOnline recently posted..When Family Life HURTS

    • Adele Jarrett-Kerr
      July 29, 2013 / 8:07 pm

      Oh Liska, I am so so sorry to hear that. Aaron is so lucky to have you for his mum and you to have him for a son. Always seems such a sweet boy from your blog. And you never know what’s up ahead but if he is to be your only, what a boy to have as your only.

      • July 29, 2013 / 8:15 pm

        Thank you for such a beautiful reply honey.

        I wanted to just stop at just congrats, but you mean too much to me for that. Followed you for too long, and met you in real life. I could only be authentic and write the truth.

        With your lovely reply I am glad I did πŸ™‚
        Liska @NewMumOnline recently posted..When Family Life HURTS

  7. Jo
    July 29, 2013 / 7:05 pm

    Congratulations Adele…. That is wonderful news!! X

    • Adele Jarrett-Kerr
      July 29, 2013 / 10:50 pm

      That’s a very good point there!

  8. Gilly
    July 29, 2013 / 8:30 pm

    lovely news, congratulations!
    Gilly recently posted..270 days old

  9. July 29, 2013 / 8:43 pm

    Congratulations! I remember the all consuming tiredness with baby number 2 but it really eased at 13 weeks for me so I hope you are out of that bit soon. My second birth was everything my first wasn’t – relaxed, me in control and natural so think positive. Our bodies are amazing things and they remember how to do things. If it doesn’t go to plan you will still have a perfect little person that you made and you will love.

    I hope everything goes smoothly x
    Bex @ The Mummy Adventure recently posted..A Room of His Own

    • Adele Jarrett-Kerr
      July 29, 2013 / 10:50 pm

      Fingers crossed for 13 weeks! Thank you. I will definitely think positive.

  10. July 29, 2013 / 10:06 pm

    Congratulations! Brilliant news – and by the way, your stomach is flatter than mine and I don’t have the excuse of being ten weeks pregnant! I hope you get to enjoy the pregnancy and manage not to let the worries take over – everything will be fine. Remember, trust your body and your baby, everything else will work itself out – plus, it’s pointless worrying about what you don’t know. xx
    Molly recently posted..Mistaken identity

    • Adele Jarrett-Kerr
      July 29, 2013 / 10:49 pm

      Thank you. And I don’t believe you about the stomach by the way but anyway! Laurence would probably shake your hand for that last comment. He keeps saying we can’t know what’s ahead.

  11. July 29, 2013 / 10:32 pm

    Huge congratulations! I totally understand your fear about breastfeeding second time around. I said many times during my second pregnancy that I was far more worried about breastfeeding than I was about labour.

    I won’t lie. It was difficult second time around too. But there was a big difference. I already had a set of solutions to call on. I knew what supports were available and I wasn’t afraid to call on them. We’re now 17 weeks in and breastfeeding exclusively. At this stage on my son, we were combination feeding, and although I didn’t know it on the time, we were well on the way to him weaning completely to formula.

    It has been such a different journey second time around. Far more enjoyable I’ve found. I hope you find the same.

    I wish you good health and a happy pregnancy.
    Lisa | Mama.ie recently posted..Sixteen weeks old

    • Adele Jarrett-Kerr
      July 29, 2013 / 10:48 pm

      So glad it’s worked out this time round even though difficulties again presented themselves. I imagine it can be far more enjoyable considering there’s so much less that’s unknown.

  12. August 5, 2013 / 11:53 am

    Congratulations to you, Adele. Wonderful news.
    From everyone at ARDO

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.