There is a reason new mothers are drawn to other mothers

I am a member of the Collective Bias® Social Fabric® Community. This Kenco coffee shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for Collective Bias and their client. All my opinions are my own, as always. #cbias #SocialFabric

I got a text this evening from my friend Abbie checking that my cats were OK. She’d seen me outside the vet’s and, having been at my house earlier, knew that one of them was having a rough day. Fellow feline lovers, he’s absolutely fine. I’ve paid the vet dearly for that news.

Anyway, the text was yet another sweet reminder of this friendship that’s grown up between Abbie and I, largely around our children. We started hanging out when I was pregnant and her son was two. I remember thinking I couldn’t imagine parenting a child that age and now I am!

I’ve been struck again today by the connective power of motherhood. There’s something about becoming a mother that makes you instinctively reach out to other mothers. There’s a deep need inside us to do that. Consequently, we find ourselves getting intimate more quickly than we would at any other time in our lives, discussing the state of our bodies, our babies and this new world into which we’ve been hurled. There’s nothing wrong with that. Our natural instinct prompts us to balance ourselves and balance each other.

Here are the flowers she bought me as a housewarming present

This is certainly the way I feel after a cup of coffee with Abbie. I always leave our chats energised and grateful for her positive and sensible outlook on her life, her wisdom as a more experienced mother and the non-judgemental friendship she always offers me.

When Abbie came over this morning we had a bit of brunch, a decent chat and a cup of Kenco Millicano, a “wholebean” instant coffee which is meant to be closer to “proper” coffee. I think that claim is quite accurate actually. I’m a filter girl all the way but I’ll now be happy to use this as my quick fix – and who doesn’t need a quick fix when you’re running around after a busy toddler?

As an aside for coffee snobs, here’s the “real coffee” devotee guide to instant: put the coffee granules in first, then the milk, mix well and add the hot water last. The effect might be purely psychological but I really think it’s the way to drink instant coffee.

We talked about education choices (hers looming, mine have time yet), remembered the difficulties of early motherhood and enjoyed our children playing together in the garden and with Talitha’s toy kitchen. It was her first visit to our new digs too.

What is it about becoming a mother that makes us seek others out, that allows us to form these strange and wonderful relationships? I find myself wanting to tell every new mother I meet just how valuable surrounding themselves is. The journey can be painfully isolating, plagued with guilt and worry. A friendly cuppa with another mother who’s either been there or understands that no one can fully understand can so transform that.

Check out my shopping experience buying Kenco Millicano at Sainsbury’s over on Google+


11 Comments

  1. June 19, 2013 / 8:52 am

    I think Mums are designed to connect with other Mums.

    I know now that I do, I am much better off than when I didn’t.

    They say it takes a village to raise a child and our modern problem is that we often cut ourselves off and don’t have that “village” to tap into. Thank God when we do hole ourselves away we have virtual online mothers for company.

    Great post. Sorry my video made you cry. It took me hours so I am glad it was moving.

    Hope to see you Friday.

    Liska xxx
    Liska recently posted..Coffee and Time with Friends Literally Keeps me Sane

  2. Purplemum
    June 19, 2013 / 9:19 am

    I realised recently that around 90% of my friends are also Mothers. I guess I am so engrossed in it at the moment that I have little head space for much else. Possibly making me a boring friend for anyone without an interest in children?
    Purplemum recently posted..Kiddicare Bristol Cribbs Causeway

  3. June 19, 2013 / 10:49 am

    Yep, you’ve hit a chord there. We really need mum friends as mums. They bring so much to my life 🙂
    Katherine Wilson recently posted..The Gallery: Dads

  4. June 19, 2013 / 11:25 am

    What you say about how quickly and openly mums share with each other is so true. I think as mums we al just want validation – to know we’re not doing too crap a job – and talking to other women in the same boat gives us that.
    Slummy single mummy recently posted..Gin cocktails with #cbias

  5. June 19, 2013 / 2:54 pm

    I’ll always feel grateful for living next door to a mum with a toddler when I brought my own newborn home. She was non-judgmental, kind and listened without offering un-asked for advice. I’m not sure the same is true of all mums – I’ve been at many a toddler group and realised the only thing I have in common with someone is the fact I’m a mum – but you’re right in that there’s a shared understanding that can make friendships between mums blossom quickly. Lovely post. x
    Molly recently posted..Documenting your child’s development – a parent addiction

  6. June 19, 2013 / 4:35 pm

    A really lovely post. I wish I knew more mothers in person, rather than just online. Difficult to share a cup of coffee on twitter.
    liveotherwise recently posted..Home education on Quib.ly

  7. June 19, 2013 / 9:09 pm

    I think having kids definitely draws you to people in similar situations, it’s only natural that you seek out subconsciously those who’re the same as yourself.
    Emma T recently posted..Losing the pushchair

  8. June 19, 2013 / 11:01 pm

    I have met and made some amazing friends through my children and I love them all dearly. You definitely need a strong support network around you when you have children and as my family aren’t close by, my friends have become this. xx
    Louise recently posted..Father’s day den building in the garden

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