With both my babies I somehow figured things would be messiest in the first few weeks then would calm down ’round about say three months – Ophelia is eleven weeks old today so ’round about now! It didn’t work out that way last time and I’m not sure how but I managed to forget between then and now!
With Talitha it was hard around now because of her breastfeeding problems and because she was my first, the lifechanger. With Ophelia, breastfeeding is so textbook and she’s such an easy baby to look after. We can’t work out if that’s because of our experience or her temperament or a bit of both. Babies really are easier the second time around.
Balancing the needs of a little baby and an almost three-year-old, though? That’s what’s strenuous about these days on the tail-end of the birth-y afterglow. That’s dreadfully obvious, isn’t it? I expected it to be hard. I didn’t expect to be lured into a false sense of security in the first couple of months!
There are just so many questions. And I don’t means “Why?” and “What are you doing?” Talitha has given those a rest, thankfully! Those are no match for the ones going round and round in my head these days. The ones I ask myself fall into three categories:
Why does this situation suck?
Who has the greater need right now? Who has to cry alone for a bit? Who’s it going to affect more? Which battles do we pick? Where are our limits? Do I think about this present moment or the years down the road?
Why do these kids suck?
Why do they have to cry at the same time? Why are babies designed to be so needy? Why do people go on about the terrible twos when it’s the threenagers who get you? How do you make her stay and listen to all you say? How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
Why do I suck?
Shouldn’t I be better at this?!!!
Then it’s a new day. We’ve all had a sleep. I’ve had my first cuppa. They’re smiling and chatting to each other. And I ask…
Why did I ever think it sucked?